Sleepless in Lasgidi

I haven't slept in a week

You really never know what you have until its gone
I miss sleep
I crave sleep
I will do just about anything right now to have a good nights sleep
Being awake when everyone's asleep is not fun
There are only so many movies to watch
Or books to  read
I've tweeted and facebooked
I have rehashed repressed memories
I have thought about weird things
Missed people I shouldn't
Called people I really shouldn't have
I'm glad I don't live alone
Cos I'm sure sure I'd have done things I shouldn't
There's only one person that gets it
But right now he's sleeping well
I'm jealous...
I've heard all the solutions..
Music, alcohol, drugs....
I've cooked @ 3am
Eaten eba @ 3:30
Done laundry in between all that
I'm worn out
Sleep where are you
I don't think I can survive another week

WAS

It was fun
It was short
It was free
It was "real"
It was me
It was her
It was hurt
It was friendship
It was need
It was a lot
It was nothing
It was you
It was..
Not is..

In pursuit of happiness..

Its 2012. Usually around this time almost everyone has broken their new year resolutions..the rest are barely holding on 2 them. I decided not 2 make any...well just one. To be happy no matter what! Last year wasn't the best. Was unhappy for a lot of it.

To achieve this happiness goal I've made some plans.
For one I've put one of my friends on guard...if he sees me getting into any dysfunctional relationship he shud smack me back 2 reality. A little ironic tho..but I'm sure he knows that.

I'm gonna make sure nothing riles me. I care too much about people and stuff. I tend to worry about them too much. Abeg I'm not taking panadol for anyones headache anymore.

Its my birthday in a few months, I'm gonna do something different for once. No dinners/parties etc. I'm goin on an adventure...alone! Lie on a beach in an obscure country, go to a local festival, conquer my fear of heights and bungee jump or sky dive. Go hiking, backpacking, spoil myself. Can't wait!

I'm excited about this year.
I've realised u can only make urself happy
Making it someone else's responsibility is unfair

Ps. I got a new toy that's keeping me veeeeeery busy..in case I don't come back here soon...blame it :)

For colored girls...

I'm not ashamed 2 say I'm emotional
I cry when I'm sad
And when I'm happy

I watched For Colored Girls over the holidays and cried like a baby, this wasn't my first time watchin this movie.
I cried for the girl that trusted this cool guy she went on a few dates with and thot he was safe enough to invite home.
I cried for the girl that was so hurt by people she loved she hurt herself more everyday
I cried for that woman that kept on taking that no good man back cos she thot that was all she could get...low self esteem is a BITCH!!
Poor woman that lost her kids cos she thot love was enough to heal her man...sometimes you have to move on for you and let him heal himself!
And the character Janet Jackson played, had it all but was played by a man on the down low.
I cried cos I saw myself in a few of these women, cos I could easily have been others,
I cried cos I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe in the power of love.
I cried cos I realise that if its one-sided..its pain.
I cried cos I still want to believe but everyday something erodes my belief.

I'm emotional and I'm not ashamed to say it.
I cried all thru the holidays

Something like Beautiful

Something kinda beautiful..

Happy,smiling,sad,damaged,broken,lively, sweet,caring,carer,sister,lover,friend,chef,smart,beautiful,daughter,playful,weirdo,foodie, prayerful,life of the party,everybody,nobody,good,bad,freak,quiet,geek,listener,chatty, mad, animated,loner,shy,strange,loyal, daddys girl...Me :)

Random.Me

All I ask

To play in the rain..no worries
To sit in the dark without being scared
To sleep without nightmares
To stay home and not worry
To dance in a cool kitchen while cooking
To care for people I care about
To see smiles of appreciation
To receive hugs that express affection
To random hugs when I'm feeling down
To unexpected kisses
To lie awake watching him sleep
To sit in my undies on the floor and
Watch tv while eating eba with my fingers
To playfight just because
To pray for those I love
And worship with those I love
To talk with my dad
And gist with my mum
To sing out loud and dance when I'm alone
To hug my grandmum again - RIP
To stay awake with a good book
To talk all night with a good friend
To love and know its reciprocated

I will give anything...to have this everyday forever

Self destruct

Friendly and friendless
Laughing and sad
counsellor and confused
protector and unprotected
Life of the party

hair all brazilianed up
make up on point
Smile amazing, constantly laughing
Mind's a mess, heart's bleeding

Words swirling round my head- dangerous
Driving on the bridge 160km an hour
swerving in and out of traffic, music blasting
tears flowing, make up running
Wishing for something to take this pain away
hoping to hit something so it stops
Not today

Reached my destination, every one's waiting
adjust, every one's watching
Hair and make up fixed
Smile's amazing

Will try again on the drive home