19 February

Confusion!!

I'm Leaving"
[Chorus:]
When I first met you,you told me exactly how it would be
You had a lady and couldn't spend all your time with me
I only wanted to kick it, so I said 'cool, you can keep her'
Long as you satisfy me
But as the weeks went by I, I started feelin' strange
Somethin' was deep in my heart, somethin' I can't explain
I think I'm fallin' in love with you boy
I'm needing you so much,
I'm cryin' just to feel your touch
I gotta leave you

[verse 1]
I didn't want no man
I didn't wanna fall in love, and
I didn't care about your girl
I didn't care how we would end up
But that was then, this is now
I think I'm experiencing love
I don't wanna wreck up your home
That's why I'm convinced, I gotta go

[Chorus]

Everytime she calls, you expect
Me to disappear like we never met
At first I didn't mind, but now I
Sometimes feel like you're all mine
You told me it was all about me, meI
t's not about me if your still with her
Now I've realized that I've gotta move on
It might be hard, but I,I gotta move on

[Chorus]
I gotta leave you (gotta leave you)
I gotta leave you (gotta leave you


This song brings back so many memories of a time in my life
It reminds me, just in case im ever forgetting, how hard it is for females to seperate sex and emotion...its almost impossible!!

I remember when i met him...lets call him Hottest Sturves(HS) cos thats wat he was....id been checkin him out for weeks!!! and as luck would have it, we got 2 talkin @ some random party. I was sold before he even said anything....by the time i realised he had a girlfriend it was too late i was well and truly hooked!
You would think that was a big enuff sign 4 me abi...noooo the sturves was just 2 good and i convinced myself that was all it was...sex nothing more...i could bounce whenever...whenever became weeks, weeks became months, months became years, i became one of those babes u onlly read about...my whole life revolved around him, now i understand how Amy Winehouse feels...it was like i was on Crack!!

After years of him blowing hot and cold and never committing, i decided that id had enough! This was it! No matter how gragged i was, i wasn't going back( Damn! that was the hardest part cos the sex was mind blowing!).I was finally free!

Till he came back...He says he loves me? He wants me b
ack! We should make a go of things this time! He cant see himself wit anyone else!!
And I'm back there again....thinking about him!Saying this time it'll be different!

Am i stupid? In love? Or have i read too many freakin Mills & Boons?

11 comments:

eFJay said...

You are human, that's what u r.
I hope you don't make the same mistakes u made the first time.
GOODLUCK!

'ef babe'

Anonymous said...

Very insightful, all the best!

Anonymous said...

Give it another shot...you never know.. the guy might just be serious this time ard. If you dont see any +ve changes in a month...dump him and move on

uNWrItten* said...

you write really well..and i can kind of relate..

those mills and boons are a bitch innit?.. lol

Anonymous said...

lol @ mills and boons...i havent been in ur situation buti can relate a lil...

Favoured Girl said...

Girlfriend, I understand how tempting it is because of the familiarity. But I don't think you should take him back. He had the chance to appreciate you then, and he blew it. It's his loss. Besides I don't think it's ever going to be a healthy relationship, the history will mean lots of power struggles...
I'll say you should forget the past and start on a clean plate with a new person.

Afrobabe said...

Kick him to the curbs...you deserve better than that...love is a state of mind...convince yourself you never loved him and you'll be shocked at how quickly the emotion fades...

femme fatale said...

@ efjay i hope i dont...dont think i can afford to make any more silly mistakes

@ ablackjamesbond...nah i dont think so...i think 5years is a long enough time for a guy to know wat he wants and im so sure its not me...he just prob couldnt believe i could leave

@ unwriiten...thanks..im sure those silly books messed me up good...made me believe all those fairytale love stories

@ pink-satin...i know funny rite

@ FG babe....advice duly noted and actioned....lol x

@ afrobabe...i decided not to talk to him for a while and it definetly worked, started seeing the lil things that pissed me off in the first place!!

Anya Posh said...

Hunny, I've been there...infact still there. What can I say, emotions are a bitch. We need to deal with this reality with a harsh hand. The emotional rollercoaster is not worth no matter how great the sex is. I can't over-emphasize that. He will keep blowing you hot & cold. We need to form a sisterhood my dear. One of sisters in recovery.

miz-cynic said...

he had girlfriend then
now if its only u....u can have a go.if its not different...pls step.

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